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Killer Clowns from Bizarrofornia!

Yup.  Creepy clowns.  Just hanging around.  If you’re  coulrophobic you should probably avoid Wasco, Bizarrofornia.



The mere existence of a Subway in Beverly Hills attracts terrorists like shit attracts flies. At least, that’s what the city thinks:

“Add terrorism to the list of woes future Beverly Hills High School students may have to deal with if the L.A. Metropolitan Transportation Authority doesn’t shift course on plans to run two subway tunnels beneath the City’s only high school.”

Your parents taught you about sharing, right?  Share what you have with your friends.  It’s not just nice; it’s the basis of social interaction.  For bonus sainthood points, feed the hungry too!

Just not in Bizarrofornia.



compassion not allowed

This photo has it all: earthquakes, surfing, and some girl taking a fonecam pic of it.  So Bizarrofornia.–Napa-Skateboarders-Turn-Earthquake-Damaged-Street-into-Ramp-272505461.html


For about a year I played counter-strike like it was my job.  Wake up, play a couple hours, shower, play a couple hours, dinner, play some more…. Probably averaged 12-14 hours/day, 7 days a week.  I got really good at it.

But I never got this bad.


This video is hella true.  I believe I have uttered every single one of these phrases.  (Except the ten dollar donut.  Who does that?)

Now that poor kid in Africa isn't going to be able to get my likes!1

When Facebook goes down in Los Angeles, all hell must break loose. Which is why some Bizarrofornian users felt the need to call 911. I honestly wish this were a joke.


Title says it all.  Seriously.  Just get your cat some fake glasses and maybe a sweater with leather patches on the elbows or something, and head down to Brolores park.  This saturday 2 August 2014.


And we know it.  And we tell people.  We’re not shy about it.  In fact we’re downright snotty about it sometimes.  In further fact no place in America is as snobby as Palo Alto.  And if someone were to somehow bring some Cardinals down a peg, Bizarrofornia will still be well represented in the snoblympics by San Rafael, Walnut Creek, Laguna Niguel, and Encinitas.

That means it’s ok to socially discriminate against people who don’t say “hella,” right?


One rainy day years ago a police officer knocked on my door and informed me that it is illegal to dump in a storm drain.  Makes sense, but what was I dumping?  Water.  The ongoing deluge threatened to overflow my pool, which can have expensive consequences, so I had been pumping the rain water from my back yard into the storm drain in the front.

Yup that’s right folks.  It’s illegal to put rainwater in a storm drain.  Only in Bizarrofornia.

On an unrelated but parallel note, seems like it’s also illegal to water your lawn now … and also illegal to not water your lawn…

09-480_ 329

I love cheese too but this is kind of ridiculous.


We all know Bizarrofornia is expensive.  This just makes it seem a bit ridiculous.  One of the world’s few remaining actual literal kings, with the crown and everything, can’t afford the rent here.




California’s state legislature has called for a constitutional convention.  Quick refresher: if 2/3 of states (34) call a constitutional convention, that convention has free license to rewrite the constitution.  (Subject to ratification by 3/4 of states afterward.)

California now becomes the second state (after Vermont) to call for such a convention.  There are also movements toward a similar resolution in Indiana, Utah, and North Carolina.

This probably won’t amount to anything.  Without 34 states on board no convention happens.  But if 34 state legislatures do agree to hold a constitutional convention, whatever they write becomes amendments to — or deletions from — or other changes or replacements — our new constitution.  Add a right to privacy?  Remove a right to guns?  Bring back a monarchy?  Anything is possible.  Think of a constitutional convention as our current constitution’s self-update feature.

Legislators passed the resolution asking for a convention to overturn Citizens United, the 2010 supreme court decision which declared corporations to be people and allowed them to buy elections but once called, a convention is not limited in scope to that.  Let’s scrap the whole thing and start over.  Here in Bizarrofornia.



“Under the proposed rules, at least 2 percent of all medical cannabis dispensed at a club would have to be provided at no cost to very low-income members. The pot has be of good quality, too.”


Government mandated free weed for low income stoners in a state where weed isn’t technically legal.  Only in Bizarrofornia.

A few years ago my friend came out his front door morning and his car wasn’t in his driveway.  What?  So he called the police and made a report.  What else do you do?  Later that afternoon he received a phone call telling him to show up at a particular address not far from his.  I accompanied him.

When we got there we saw a fat black man in a white wifebeater proudly washing his 5 “new” cars.  “Is that yours?” an officer asked my friend.  “Get it out of here.”  No paperwork.  No names.  No penalties were discussed.  That fat man straight up borrowed my friend’s car for a morning and that was that.




Turns out it’s not that uncommon.  Here in Bizarrofornia.

“Hey everybody, let’s protest gay pride!”

“But we’re gay and proud!”

“Shucks.  Well, all these people will be around.  We better find something to protest.”


I can’t think of any other way this protest got started.  It’s gay people protesting a gay pride party at/by one of the gayest institutions on earth, in celebration of gay pride day.  Why?  Because the party isn’t the theme they wanted.

Gay Shame, an oddly named organization dedicated to, I don’t know, shaming gays? circulated this petition asking people to boycott this party because of its prison theme, citing statistics about gay people getting raped in prison.  To make it even funnier, an inside source tells me they wanted a dungeon theme instead.  What’s the difference between a prison and a dungeon?  About 200 years.

How does a prison party end?  With actual prison.


UPDATE: (the target of the protests) CEO responds to potests and their aftermath.  Look at 2:05 forv video of him at the protest, talking to police, wearing a latex police uniform.

“There is nothing like the SF gay pride festival. It was there, that I saw a man fist another another man like he was Jim Henson. I never thought I would ever seen such a thing happen in public.”


“Alysia Montano came in last in the 800-meter qualifying race at the U.S. Championships but she still had the crowd cheering.”

Sure, the doctor said it’s ok, but is it really worth potentially making a “babytini”? Shaken, not stirred.

You know that jokeservation that you can tell the black area because it has schools named Thomas Jefferson and the blacker area because it has streets like Martin Luther King Jr. Way or Malcolm X ?

Have you ever seen a place so black that it has a Nelson Mandela Parkway?  Yup.  We got that.

With that thought in mind, I present the parade before gay pride: Trans March.  Yup.  We got that.  Here in Bizarrofornia.


This isn't Whole Foods!

The Coast Guard rescued a 57-year-old man attempting to kayak from California to Hawaii on Tuesday morning, 11 days after he began his journey. Full story.